News of Mr. Bingley

How unbalanced and disturbed I am by the news of Mr. Bingley coming over. I cannot help myself when I feel so worried. I do not want to seem changed or weak in front of him. I could not bear to let him see how embarrassed I was at my own dear mother inviting him over to our home. I know my mother’s intentions are not friendly. She wishes for another marriage. I believe she still wants me to marry him. Oh I understand she only means for the finest situation possible for me but-… I cannot be anymore unhappy at her actions. I do not want to see Mr. Bingley, I fear I will become even more heartbroken when I realize it was all one sided or that his feelings have changed. I do not know whether to hope he comes back soon or if I should hope he shall never come back. I fear everything now, I do want to be in pain any longer! It is truly no way to live!

A Married Woman

Lydia has come home today. I am almost sad at how mixed feeling I am. My dear little sister has not matured. She is the same girl who has left but now she is a married girl. Oh how I wished she would have grown up over the time she was gone in hiding. The whole time while waiting inside, waiting for her to come in, I had wondered how much she grieved her current position. I wondered how she felt, and what she was enduring… She seemed to not care about what she had done! After Lydia greeted us, I realized how upset father seemed the entire time, holding his tongue and being rather cold towards his Wickham, his new son-in-law and my new brother. My sisters were uneasy about the situation. My mother was the only one who was truly happy. She and Lydia chatted away. They seemed to both have great pleasure in the topic of her marriage. Lydia could not have made father anymore upset! Oh I know she was only happy for her own marriage, and her happiness could not be helped but- my poor, dear father… He was so upset and disgusted at her attitude, and I was so shocked! Her carelessness! Her thoughtlessness! Oh my dearest sister- how could you? How could you NOT think of our dear father and his feelings!? Goodness, I understand it her day, her marriage day- the happiest day in her life but-! It brings me so much pain to be so confused and unnerved… I wish to happy for her, but I can only see the discomfort she has caused my dear father.

News of Marriage

My dear uncle has sent a letter to my father! He writes that he has found my lost sister and Wickham! He also writes that Lydia and Wickham are not yet married, but there is a wedding to be planned! Oh the joy! It was a mutual affection, and so I cannot help but be so happy for them! I am in such happiness! My only comfort in this whole matter; however, is that Wickham would not have agreed to marriage if he did not love her. There is a chance at their happiness of being together. How I wish my littlest sister love in her marriage! Oh so happy am I, today is truly a joyous occasion. I do wish though, that they would have at least come together while under my lovely family’s supervision. But mother was completely delighted at the news. She was so very pleased to hear the news, save for father who seemed so almost bitter towards the announcement. My sisters however, disheartened as they were, were oh so very cheerful to hear the pleasant news!
On another note, I cannot help but feel slight jealously towards my dear youngest sister. I know I should not be in the least jealous of her; she is my sister. I do wish her pleasure in her marriage, but I cannot help but think of when everyone in Hertfordshire believed I would be the first to marry. It is a disappointment, but I am over it. I am happy where I am, and I love my youngest sister dearly, and I hope the best for her and her marriage!

Mr. Collins' Letter

It was so awfully dreadful to read such a letter! It spoke of Lydia's death being a blessing compared to her running away with Wickham- I must say I disagree! My little sister may have done things that are not honourable, but I would never say her death would be better! I would hate to say that the letter was horrid because I know my dear cousin Mr. Collins only meant it for the best, but I cannot help but feel completely hurt! Oh I know Mr. Collins did not mean to hurt me or my family by saying it; I know he only said it because it was what seemed to be the only thing that can be said about an unruly child. I do know my dear youngest sister is "silly." I know she does not think before she acts, but that is what makes Lydia, Lydia! I also am deeply pained and confused when I hear that he says my dear father should throw my lovely (though sometimes she may be foolish) sister away? It cannot be! It cannot be done! It is simply impossible for that to happen!
I know this has turned out to become a rant, but I very firmly believe that Mr. Collins' letter, though for the best, was extremely upsetting. I do wish Mr. Collins would not speak so cruelly about my dear youngest sister anymore. And I also hope things will work out, for I could not bear if things did not.

Thoughts on Wickham

I still do not wish to think ill of him, but I cannot help but doubt him. Elizabeth had said during our conversation that if we had warned our family about Wickham, perhaps none of this would have happened… I agree with her, but I understand that we only acted on what we believed was for the best. It would not have been right to expose his past mistakes. It would not have been ours to tell about, us having nothing to do with them in the first place, it would have been wrong in many ways. I know that many in our family must now think ill of him, but I believe… I want to strongly believe that it is wrong. I hope this is a big mistake, however naïve that may be. Oh I have so many regrets and what-ifs presently running through my mind. I wish I could explain them all.

Looking over the Letter

My dearest Elizabeth and I have looked over the letter which was sent to Harriet Forster, Colonel Forster’s wife, from Lydia. I do not know what Lydia was thinking; I cannot even begin to imagine what had been going through her mind while she wrote it! She sounded so carefree, not knowing of the pain she was causing to us at home! How I had previously wished she had not known of it but now… I wish she would have realized she had caused pain to us. Maybe that was what it would take for her to come back home. At the end of it all, Elizabeth had asked what how father had felt, and oh my poor, caring father-! He was so shocked when he first saw it all! He could not speak for a full ten minutes it was such a shock to him! I will never be able to get over it all. I have never seen him so speechless. It is truly an upsetting matter.

Elizabeth’s Welcome

I wish I could say we have greeted my dear sister Elizabeth gracefully, but I cannot. Mother was so feverish with grief, and I was but a mess. Oh how I wish I had better news to greet her with, to tell her that things would be fine, but it was her who brought us hope. I am so happy my dear uncle is here, now we may be able to retrieve our youngest sister. I hope nothing has been done which cannot be undone. That would surely hurt my lovely family more. I do not want mother to be unhappy nor do I wish that father will come home discontented. I would surely be heartbroken at the sight! I do hope things will brighten up soon.

My “silly” sister Lydia

How many times had my beloved father called Lydia silly? I cannot even begin to count, there were too many- but oh! I have never believed it true- not for a single moment! But now, it cannot really be explained in words how I feel. I am so confused about this matter. I want to believe Lydia was only acting on her own feeling, that she did it for love, but it is not something I cannot talk about lightly. I cannot help but want to believe my dear youngest sister does not… that she does not know what she is doing us. That her intentions were pure, and she does not know of the pain she has bestowed upon our family. My poor mother- so hurt and bewildered by this turn of events! She is so horribly ill though I must add that she is feeling better now. I surely hope this will all work out in the end.

My Dearest Elizabeth and Lydia

My dear Elizabeth has already told me of her talk with my father concerning Lydia. Elizabeth's opinion on the matter is much greater than mine. I have never given much thought to my youngest sister Lydia. I've always simply hoped she would mature into a caring, young woman who would find a good husband one day. Though I must admit Lydia is a flirt, I hope she will soon grow out of it... I still hope for the best for her, and I do beg she does not do anything foolish while in Brighton. Oh, I feel I mus add that my dear sister Elizabeth says my lovely father called the three youngest of our family silly. I can see why, but I believe it is only for the best. They are still young and growing, and I believe one day they will all become agreeable young ladies!

Our Welcome Home

It is so good to be home! How happy I am to see my lovely sisters and caring mother and father once more! I have not realized how dearly I missed them all! It has truly been such a long time since I last laid eyes on my wonderful family. My darling mother forever talks about my beauty, but I wish she would comment on Elizabeth's. She has truly grown since that last I've seen of her. My younger sisters all seem to be in good health! My father is most joyful to see Elizabeth once more, for he always seemed to favor her. Not that I can blame him, Elizabeth is truly pleasing and agreeable! Oh I cannot stop the smile on my face, I am so happy to see my treasured family again!

My little sister Lydia

I have always known the youngest of us, Lydia, has always been one to talk. I know she only speaks her mind to help the ones around her understand her, but I cannot help but feel bad for those she speaks ill of. She is young, and I know she does not mean any of it in any horribly rude way, but I can see the rudeness in all of it! Today Lydia wished to speak of Wickham, so Elizabeth and I asked the waiter to leave for the time being. He did as we pleased like a true gentleman. Yet Lydia seemed not to care for his kindness and instead belittled his looks. She thanked God he was gone and called him an ugly fellow. I could not agree less! Looks are nothing in this world, for everyone is good at heart, and that is all that is needed! Oh how I wish my dear Lydia will grow out of it all very soon...

Another Month?

I have heard from my dearest sister Elizabeth that she was asked by Lady Catherine to spend another month in her presence. I am pleased to hear that my sister rejected the offer made. I have wished to see my dear Elizabeth for so long, and I could not have waited another month to see her! I rejoice in that, but I do feel for Lady Catherine's offer. I will make sure to beg my sister to visit her and the lovely Charlotte once more. But for the time being, I am simply happy I will be able to soon see my little sister, for we have so much catching up to do! It has been so long, and I have missed her deeply.

A sister's Concern

After hearing my younger sister's reaction to the letter, I was torn! I understand that my sister realized it was my own fault after reading it a second time. I cannot describe how I feel, I can only ask, how should I feel? I am hurt and angry and yet so calm and understanding at the same time. I can only feel sorrow in the fact I added in the end of a relationship which never started, that my own foolishness was the start of my little sister’s prejudice in a man she may have loved… I do hope my dear sister may one day forgive me. Mr. Darcy’s own pains are mine also. I have not only hurt my own relationship with my timid nature but my sister’s!
I wish I could have changed my actions. There may not have been so much drama if I had only shown Mr. Bingley that I did love him.

Mr. Darcy's Letter

I cannot stop my own foolish tears! Had I really seemed as if I had not loved Mr. Bingley? Did I not seem to love him as pitifully as I did? I have never felt so much pain; I believe this is worse than when Mr. Bingley himself left... My dear Lizzy, I have never felt so sad, it pains me as much as it likely pains you to read. I wonder if things would be different, if Mr. Bingley and I would be married if I had only shown my feelings more. I cannot bear to face the fact I most likely hurt Mr. Bingley more than how hurt I am at the moment.
Oh I hope Mr. Bingley may forgive me. I cannot believe I hadn't shown my feelings which I knew I felt so deeply. Moving along, mother is likely going to yell at me again. It was my own fault I was heartbroken for so long... I do hope mother is kind to me; I have already punished myself with the loss of a relationship with such a nice, young man.
In turn of my loss, I will try to show my feelings of love much more. I do not ever want to lose anyone again in such a foolish manner.

My dearest sister Lizzy's hand in marriage?

I have always thought of this topic of marriage for my younger sister, many time has this came to mind. I have always wondered what sort of man would be the one whom she would fall in love with... I haven't given much thought to Mr. Darcy (of course, I am not trying to spoil his good name; I simply had never given him much thought), and I cannot even begin to believe he asked for her hand!
He, like any good man, deserved a chance at my little sister's heart, but he did not win her. Finding out what had happen was almost too horrible to hear. My poor sister spoke of how horribly worded the proposal was, and I have never felt so embarrassed! I felt horribly sad for Mr. Darcy, for he had loved her, yet she could not return his feelings.
I have never seen any person refuse so many marriage proposals as my dear Lizzy. Not that it is anything bad, I respect her for it! She believes so faithfully in true love! Of course, up until as of late, I had too. I had believed in soul mates and every love story I had ever come across. I guess in a way, I am now a bitter old woman. But fret not, I shall not mope much longer, for I will overcome my sorrow!

Keep smiling!

Oh my, how I would hate to bring all of my worries and sorrows upon my fellow bloggers! But alas, I must... I feel so much sadness towards it all though I must add I am not nearly as upset as I was months ago... I know it is not Mr. Bingley's fault; he simply did not love me as much as I had loved him. I know I mustn't cry over it, for it would only bring me more sorrow! I wish him happiness and hope one day I may find someone so kind as to love me and for myself to love him back... Wish me luck my dearest sister, Elizabeth!

P.S. I also hope you can find your own happiness, little sister, for you truly deserve it!