"Another Mr. Collins?"

Oh dearest me, Elizabeth said should she meet another Mr. Collins in time, she would accept his offer of marriage? Even if she did not love him? Oh I have always admired my lovely sister for her courage to speak so boldly of true love! I have always had respect for her because of her determination for only marrying for love and happiness, yet she speaks of this... It breaks my heart so much to simply think about it all! I cannot bear to think that she should marry a man simply because he asked her? How many times she had rejected offers because she had not loved him... Now she says she will? I feel so horrible. I know she only says it for the best because mother wants us to all marry very soon but... I feel so sad.

Reaction to my Happiness

My dear mother was so pleased to hear of the news! My whole family was so happy for me; I felt so horrid for being the center of the attention! It was soon clear that my lovely mother had forgotten all about my littlest sister Lydia and Wickham! I overheard Kitty telling Mary that I was beyond them! She called me mother's favorite though it had been well known Lydia had always been mother's choice before this. It has made me so selfishly pleased! I feel so ugly and cruel simply thinking about it! But the joy it brings me!
Adding to this, from the moment my little sisters heard the news, they begged for something. Kitty asked to be able to use his library in the near future while Kitty begged for a few balls there in the winter. I will do my best to be able to do this for them. They deserve all I can give them because I owe my family so much for the happiness they have given me!
How I love my dear Mr. Bingley! He is too wonderful for me, and I am still waiting to wake up from this wonderful dream! I do hope this is not a dream, but I do not want to be disappointed if it is. Oh I wish all of my sisters as much happiness in marriage that I have been blessed with!

A simple Whisper

Joy is me! How happy I am- I do not deserve such happiness! My spirits have been lifted, and I am soaring! How many others in the world are unhappy at this moment while I am jumping for joy? I do not know! There must be countless amounts, so I feel so cruel. My happiness so bright and loud while my own little sister is in pain? How horrible am I to be so blissful? It ruins my mood, but I know the true feelings of the truly blessed! It cannot be expressed in words.

My dearest Mr. Bingley's visits, first unwanted, now are cherished! It was so wonderful! He asked me to marry him in a hushed whisper, how fond I am of his kindness! He is too much! I cannot believe it is true! If this is a dream, I do not ever want to wake. To be honest, this dream has been far too wonderful to be true, but then again, I doubt myself too much! I am too pleased, I am beyond words that can express my mood! It is such a strong cheerfulness yet a slight pang of pain for being so happy. How can I enjoy myself so much while my own dear sister Elizabeth suffers so?

I am a horrible sister, but I cannot help myself in rejoicing about my dear Mr. Bingley. Such excitement, thinking about it, I will soon be Mrs. Bingley- Just the thought of it all! Dear me, I may explode from the happiness! I wish everything will work out for the best with my little sister's relationship. I would die if I was the only one who married happily.

In ''Danger" Again

Oh it is so frightening to even think about-! My lovely sister Elizabeth has told me I am in danger of falling in love with Mr. Bingley once more. She also says I may make him love me again. (That is assuming if he had ever loved me.) It gives me so much to think about... I love him so dearly, but I cannot let him realize this. The pain of another rejection would be too much for me. I could not live through another heartbreak! But she has such a certainty I cannot help myself when I hope! I do not wish to seem foolish about it all. If I must suffer through heartbreak once more, I shall be an elegant woman. I shall not weep bitterly like I had in the past, and I most certainly will not hate him or see him in a bad light because of a rejection. The answer is simply, really, it would be only: He had not loved me as much as I had loved him.
Oh how I hope I will not be hurt again, even if this time, it would be my own foolishness. I could not bear crying such bitter tears.

News of Mr. Bingley

How unbalanced and disturbed I am by the news of Mr. Bingley coming over. I cannot help myself when I feel so worried. I do not want to seem changed or weak in front of him. I could not bear to let him see how embarrassed I was at my own dear mother inviting him over to our home. I know my mother’s intentions are not friendly. She wishes for another marriage. I believe she still wants me to marry him. Oh I understand she only means for the finest situation possible for me but-… I cannot be anymore unhappy at her actions. I do not want to see Mr. Bingley, I fear I will become even more heartbroken when I realize it was all one sided or that his feelings have changed. I do not know whether to hope he comes back soon or if I should hope he shall never come back. I fear everything now, I do want to be in pain any longer! It is truly no way to live!

A Married Woman

Lydia has come home today. I am almost sad at how mixed feeling I am. My dear little sister has not matured. She is the same girl who has left but now she is a married girl. Oh how I wished she would have grown up over the time she was gone in hiding. The whole time while waiting inside, waiting for her to come in, I had wondered how much she grieved her current position. I wondered how she felt, and what she was enduring… She seemed to not care about what she had done! After Lydia greeted us, I realized how upset father seemed the entire time, holding his tongue and being rather cold towards his Wickham, his new son-in-law and my new brother. My sisters were uneasy about the situation. My mother was the only one who was truly happy. She and Lydia chatted away. They seemed to both have great pleasure in the topic of her marriage. Lydia could not have made father anymore upset! Oh I know she was only happy for her own marriage, and her happiness could not be helped but- my poor, dear father… He was so upset and disgusted at her attitude, and I was so shocked! Her carelessness! Her thoughtlessness! Oh my dearest sister- how could you? How could you NOT think of our dear father and his feelings!? Goodness, I understand it her day, her marriage day- the happiest day in her life but-! It brings me so much pain to be so confused and unnerved… I wish to happy for her, but I can only see the discomfort she has caused my dear father.

News of Marriage

My dear uncle has sent a letter to my father! He writes that he has found my lost sister and Wickham! He also writes that Lydia and Wickham are not yet married, but there is a wedding to be planned! Oh the joy! It was a mutual affection, and so I cannot help but be so happy for them! I am in such happiness! My only comfort in this whole matter; however, is that Wickham would not have agreed to marriage if he did not love her. There is a chance at their happiness of being together. How I wish my littlest sister love in her marriage! Oh so happy am I, today is truly a joyous occasion. I do wish though, that they would have at least come together while under my lovely family’s supervision. But mother was completely delighted at the news. She was so very pleased to hear the news, save for father who seemed so almost bitter towards the announcement. My sisters however, disheartened as they were, were oh so very cheerful to hear the pleasant news!
On another note, I cannot help but feel slight jealously towards my dear youngest sister. I know I should not be in the least jealous of her; she is my sister. I do wish her pleasure in her marriage, but I cannot help but think of when everyone in Hertfordshire believed I would be the first to marry. It is a disappointment, but I am over it. I am happy where I am, and I love my youngest sister dearly, and I hope the best for her and her marriage!